Saturday, March 21, 2015

Identity



Love is a complex thing all humans seek, whether they admit it, or not. For me, love came when I was not looking for it, it just happened. I am so glad my life led me to Jim. I honestly can say my life would have been a miserable one without him to guide me.

I spent years trying to find who I was through music, reading, trying new, and sometimes odd hobbies. I even once threatened to dye my hair silver and pink, looking back I have no idea why I wanted to. I used to get so frustrated that everyone seemed to know who the were, and I was off on the side line grasping for my identity.



I will confess, this process lasted far longer than it should have. It was my fault. I was the one that chose to only look for an identity that fit the standards of others. While the journey to self identity was long and difficult, it has led me to a place within myself that lets me relax inside my own skin. So what, if I don't fit into a category established by those that stay safely behind the walls they build for us.

But, then one day I decided that I would be honest with myself. Overnight (it seemed), I was a little happier, I began to tell Jim the things I liked, wanted, and needed. He listened. I talked some more and discovered that I will never fit into one of those preordained categories. So now, I simply accept the mix of likes and dislikes within me. I started let myself enjoy things, I had denied myself.



The brain is an amazing organ, it can create an unwritten journal of our phases, and identity. It allows us to look back on our triumphs, let downs, and our very own version of craziness. It allows love to be a part of our lives through pheromones, feelings, and even those things that no medical book can describe. It can also, lead us to self doubt, hatred, and confusion of the difference between what we like and what society says is abnormal. It is also our worst enemy, it is full of doubt, it makes us question ourselves, it even make us have moments of utter insanity in times of extreme stress.

But, we have a choice. We can accept the existing categories and try to uncomfortably shove ourselves in and live a mediocre life. Or, we can plow through and create our own category and leave room for edits in the future. I choose my own category. I choose to be free of the confines placed on me by being a woman, a wife, a mother. I instead, will be a sex goddess to my husband, I will enjoy the sting of leather on my ass, I will enjoy the mental orgasm that comes when Jim gently forces me to my knees.

I will enjoy the kinkiness of my marriage, my lifestyle, and my online friends blogging about their likes and dislikes that go against the grain of society. Because, I can.

How about you?

Thanks to Tori at Pain's Pleasure and her Kink and Vanilla post for inspiring this post.






10 comments:

  1. Great post. I can relate to much of what you've written.
    Hugs DF

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    Replies
    1. Thanks DF. It means a lot when I see that what I have said is understandable and received by like-minded people.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  2. Awesome post and well said. I think many of us can relate.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Roz,

      It is so nice to see that I have landed in the right part of blog land. Having this blog and making new friends has help me with ttwd and following through on my choice. There is a need for me to have people than can relate to me that helps me become a better person.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  3. A great post, i think it is natural at certain times in our lives to feel this need to fit in somewhere, to what is perhaps expected of us, i remember when i first had this feelings of being submissive, i buried them because i didnt consider it 'normal' not in this day and age.

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    Replies
    1. Tori,

      I think many of us buried those thoughts and needs until we could no longer take it. It is so freeing to be true to our selves!

      hugs,
      Kathy

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  4. Kathy,
    I loved this post. It's so nice to get to the point where you don't care what others think of you and you have the freedom to be yourself.
    Megan

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    Replies
    1. Megan,

      It is the only way to live a good life. I hope you and Gabe start feeling better soon.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  5. Thank you so much for this post. I think a lot of us can relate. Beautifully written.

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    Replies
    1. Lani,

      Thank you for reading my random and sometimes blurred thoughts on the subject. When I hear that you all relate to it, it help build a better outlook for when it gets difficult in ttwd.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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