I decided it was my job to point out everything wrong in our life, and that I was going to correct the issues all on my own. Except, that is not how things are run around here, maybe in the past before Dd, but not now. I have no excuse for my nagging, complaints, outbursts, and general bitchy attitude.
I have been hesitant to relay my poor behavior here on my blog, until today. It is not fair of me to only share the easy pleasurable side of ttwd, and leave out the unplanned complex issues I struggle with.
In all honestly, everything would be fine IF I would learn to shut my mouth when I am upset. You know, the 'think before you speak' thing we all teach our kids? Well, it seems I was a better teacher than I was a student on that subject.
So while I was on my rampage against the world for pissing me off, I forgot that my tone was not where it should be. So, instead of adjusting it, I decided screw it, and kept going. I bitched, complained, sassed, and even went farther when I saw he was trying to stay calm, once again I am my own worst enemy. Jim gave me time alone to calm myself and busied himself in the other room, he even came in with a cup of coffee to share. But, did I gracefully accept and speak in a nice loving tone deserving of Jim's care? Nope.
Instead, I said: I don't want your fucking coffee! Then I proceeded to point out his flaws....Yes, I know.
Yes, I said that. I went from bitchy and annoyed, to the whole world can shove it! I have no idea why I acted the way I did, and even if I did, it would not excuse any of my behavior.
Shockingly, Jim maintained calmness through it all, he did not stop me either. What he did do though was create that invisible list of things I have done and saved it up until today. As I sit here with my stinging butt, I know that I have more to come for my actions (as should be), I will be receiving a continuation of my punishment because it cannot be given in one over the bed session without causing trouble walking (again as it should be).
Punishment implements our harsh in our home.
I would like to clarify that punishment in my home is harsh because I am a slight Masochist and pain is at times a good kind of pleasure for me. But, when punishment is not play, I take it painfully and seriously. I guess only those that do ttwd will understand.