Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Over Thinking

I like so many other's view myself as an "over thinker". I take the simplest of things and over complicate them. It is one of those things that I do, that drives my hoh mad. I can take a statement and think about it so much it does not resemble itself. I can put meaning upon something without meaning. I can take a sigh from someone and convince myself that it is a sigh weighed heavily by disgust.




Having this innate ability means I am most often in a state of anxiety throughout the day. I spent years trying to silently correct myself and yet, it got worse. I ended up becoming uncomfortable within my own mind. I spewed out my own disgust with myself and placed my anger on my hoh. This did nothing, except make it all worse. I tried traditional medicine, alternative medicine (some helped), I even went back to school and got a degree thinking I would be happier with myself (nope).

But, then I started noticing that when my hoh babied me, or treated me like I was a little girl I calmed down. I kept this all to myself for a while. I started searching online for what to call this thing that made me calm. I stumbled, I got freaked out (you know those websites), I even stopped looking for a bit.

And then, it happened. I found a website called Taken In Hand. Which led me to finding the term DD. Inside, I giddily jumped up and down like a little girl on Christmas morning. 'That's what it is called!" I read all I could about it, and then the moment came for me to bring it to hoh...

I thought on whether to ease him into it, whether to drop hints, and even considered handing him the laptop and have him read about it. But, what instead did I do? I blurted it out. A mix of I wants, and I needs. Followed by: "What do you think"?

The response my hoh gave me was this: "I think you need your ass spanked now".

My thoughts went from wondering how he would react to 'wait...what?". It just so happened that we had purchased a flogger a couple of months before, to use for play. Hoh went to the closet and removed our once innocent toy and fear stuck me. Yet, my body seemed to find this entirely enjoyable. I was all at once scared, calm, aroused, and laughing (some very strange feeling to have all at once).



Even now, my mind is pleased by remembering that day. It was a turning point for me. I began to explore my own thoughts and pleasures. I watched my hoh become dominate and in control. I felt my love for him grow beyond what I thought was possible. It was the moment we began our Domestic Disciple marriage.


8 comments:

  1. Those turning points really come alive. Each of us can so relate to your post. I am enjoying the reading.
    Meredith

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  2. I never know if my words are coming out in a way that is understandable. Your comment assures me that they are in fact coming out the right way. Thank you, for all of your encouragement and gentle urging to reach out.

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  3. I can relate to this post only too well, except I think you were very courageous coming out with what you wanted in the way you did. It took me much longer!

    I am also a bit of an 'over-thinker' and I sometimes tend to thing the worst, which is really ridiculous.

    Isn't it funny how so many of us first went to the Taken in Hand site. I am soooo glad I quickly found some other bloggers, as I can remember getting quite upset by it. Luckily, as I now know, everyone finds their own level, and creates their own dynamic.

    Your flogger looks great, by the way. Much better than ours.

    Hugs
    Ami

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  4. I too remember my first reaction to the TIH website. Honestly, I was all at once shocked and curious. My inner feminist wanted to scream "Me submit? Ha, NEVER!" Yet, here I am. The woman that willingly lays across the bed and subjects myself to the punishment of something striking my bottom.

    That flogger was a purchase I could not refuse myself. I love the diamond/leather look.

    Hugs to you as well,

    Kathy

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  5. When we have that Aha moment - and our hubbies are happy to oblige - it's magical. I'm very happy for you. :)
    hugs,
    Cali

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    1. Hi Cali,

      I seem to have a lot of aha moments since beginning this journey.

      Kathy

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  6. Oh gosh do I ever relate to this post. If I didn't overthink most things I would be so much better off. Loved the simple response your HOH gave when you brought this to him. Plain, simple, to the point. Seems like he will have no problems filling his role. You on the other hand best get ready to quickly move ahead!!!

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    Replies
    1. Annabelle,

      I am trying to keep up, but he is a bit faster at identifying with his commanding role.

      Kathy

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