I like so many other's view myself as an "over thinker". I take the simplest of things and over complicate them. It is one of those things that I do, that drives my hoh mad. I can take a statement and think about it so much it does not resemble itself. I can put meaning upon something without meaning. I can take a sigh from someone and convince myself that it is a sigh weighed heavily by disgust.
Having this innate ability means I am most often in a state of anxiety throughout the day. I spent years trying to silently correct myself and yet, it got worse. I ended up becoming uncomfortable within my own mind. I spewed out my own disgust with myself and placed my anger on my hoh. This did nothing, except make it all worse. I tried traditional medicine, alternative medicine (some helped), I even went back to school and got a degree thinking I would be happier with myself (nope).
But, then I started noticing that when my hoh babied me, or treated me like I was a little girl I calmed down. I kept this all to myself for a while. I started searching online for what to call this thing that made me calm. I stumbled, I got freaked out (you know those websites), I even stopped looking for a bit.
And then, it happened. I found a website called Taken In Hand. Which led me to finding the term DD. Inside, I giddily jumped up and down like a little girl on Christmas morning. 'That's what it is called!" I read all I could about it, and then the moment came for me to bring it to hoh...
I thought on whether to ease him into it, whether to drop hints, and even considered handing him the laptop and have him read about it. But, what instead did I do? I blurted it out. A mix of I wants, and I needs. Followed by: "What do you think"?
The response my hoh gave me was this: "I think you need your ass spanked now".
My thoughts went from wondering how he would react to 'wait...what?". It just so happened that we had purchased a flogger a couple of months before, to use for play. Hoh went to the closet and removed our once innocent toy and fear stuck me. Yet, my body seemed to find this entirely enjoyable. I was all at once scared, calm, aroused, and laughing (some very strange feeling to have all at once).
Even now, my mind is pleased by remembering that day. It was a turning point for me. I began to explore my own thoughts and pleasures. I watched my hoh become dominate and in control. I felt my love for him grow beyond what I thought was possible. It was the moment we began our Domestic Disciple marriage.