Over the last few weeks Jim has made some observations. One of these observations, is that I am more in a groove with my submission, than I have been before. I have only received a few punishments that have resulted from rudeness (my weakness is avoiding sarcasm and rudeness). I am also avoiding taking control in everyday life. More asking his opinion before assuming it, and avoiding making decisions without speaking to him (not big stuff, just everyday boring stuff).
Since we have discussed my increase in consistent submission it has been decided that he requires more from me 'now that he knows I can do it'...oh boy! So, here I am facing stronger discipline and more rules. One part of me is proud, and the other is freaking out.
Change always causes stress in me, perhaps, I am more afraid he has more trust in my submission than I can live up to? I hate the look in his eyes when I disappoint. I want to do everything I can to avoid it.
So there have been some new rules added to the major D's and I must say I am happy about it. When I look back on how I was a year ago, I am amazed at how much better I am able to submit without knowing I am submitting. I guess I always thought there would be a defined moment, when such milestones are reached. This is not to say I am without losing my temper, or forgetting my rules, it just means that I know when I overstep and try to correct actively. But, I really am trying to actively submit.
Here is what I consider Active Submission in my ttwd life:
Today, I did receive a punishment spanking and I am very proud of it. It was one of those moments that I had a choice, I could present myself for punishment, or ignore and avoid punishment. I thought about it for a minute and got up from the sofa and shut and locked the front door. I knew Jim was in the bedroom and I was on a mission. I walked to him and stated that I was presenting myself for punishment (I swear he cracked a teeny tiny smile). He said, "I know" and pointed to the bed. Fear and pride both filled me.
I love this picture of presentation.
"I want your skirt up and panties off."...Smiles? We don't need no stinking smiles!
I did as I was told, laid across the bed and buried my face into the pillow. He took his time selecting the implement. I sneaked a peek and saw he had selected the oak paddle. One half of me purring and the other is feeling exposed and regretting ratting on herself. I steel myself and get ready for the strikes. I feel Jim's hand go to my lower back to prevent too much movement on my part.
The next thing I know I am ready to run the moment I feel the paddle smack my bottom. My hands instinctively go to the stingy skin (I know he will probably begin tying my hands in the future, if I keep doing that). I receive a mere two more strikes, but I was breathless and extremely sorry for what I had done (I was not respectful in my speaking to him earlier and he was going to let it slide, by the way).
Jim lowered his head to mine while I was still trying to return to normal, and said "Next time it will be ten, then 20, then...Do you understand?" I nodded in agreement. I was then told that I he was not going to be so easy on me next time, because he knows I can do as agreed upon. I was then released and allowed to put panties back on and lower my skirt.
I am still proud of facing consequences and not ignoring my ability to submit and my gosh I loved watching the hoh or Dom side of Jim. I am sure many of you at least slightly relish seeing the hoh/Dom come out in your husbands (or wives).
If so, when was the first time you saw that side of your partner?