Monday, April 20, 2015

I Go Too Far



I go too far. I am prone to seeing things only my way. So when the mail arrived today and I saw a shut off notice for the water I kinda freaked out and went overboard. I told Jim about it and worked myself into a frenzy about how our water would be shut off if we don't pay the dang bill.

He told me we were fine and he had talked with the water company already. I told him...did not suggest as any good Dd wife would do, that he needed to go take care of it as I had other things needing my attention...Yes, I stupidly did that. Looking back now, I have no idea what the hell got into me. Death wish perhaps? Hormones?

Smug in my ability to get things going and head off financial woes I sit down and call a close friend. I make no mention of the water bill to her...she would have told me I was wrong, anyway! I carry on a normal conversation with her as my dogs start barking because Jim has pulled into the driveway. I unaware of the hurricane on its way to me.

The front door flies open and he has The Look. I am perplex with this for only a second.

"We are going to talk, NOW!" He barks

I hurry off of the phone knowing my friend heard him and will not ask me about it when I call her back unless I bring it up (I adore her).

Phone on the charger, spin around ready to "talk".....yeah, one look in his eyes tells me there will be very little talking. He grabs me by the wrist and to the bedroom we go. I knew I was in for it. Swiftly, I feel my pants and panties yanked down and I wait for his selection of implement...SMACK!

He used his had, I knew I was in for it. You see my man comes from a long line of burly loggers with offspring that reflect the generations of men with large strong bodies, my Jim is no exception. So when he uses his hand to punish it means he is pissed.

Then the lecture begins.

SMACK...You knew better!...SMACK...

SMACK...You made me doubt myself!..SMACK

And just like that, I felt great remorse. Not for my bottom (okay a little), but for what I caused him. I felt horrible. I know what it is like to self-doubt my actions and I just did the same to him.

Submissive wife now engaged.




10 comments:

  1. Kathy,

    Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my submission and that gets me into trouble too. I'm glad you are engaged and back to where you need to be (for now).

    Megan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Megan,

      Sadly, your "for now" comment is exactly what will happen the next time I feel I am correct in my assumptions.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

      Delete
  2. Your not alone, my ability to speak before i think is a constant source of what gets me in trouble...the thing is at the time im just so in that moment i cant be reasoned with....its later when i have calmed down that i realise i went too far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tori,

      I really try, I do. But, I get in these modes that make me unable to listen to any voice of reason. Later, I know I was wrong and will beat myself up over it. When will I ever learn?

      Hugs,
      Kathy

      Delete
  3. I have a hard time letting go and not worrying about stuff like that..mostly I think about it at 2am! He dealt with it quickly, so I'm hoping you can forgive yourself just as quickly, and enjoy a clean slate :)

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennelle,

      I would love to say I am not beating myself up over my behavior. But, that is simply not true. I will replay it in my head and create all kinds of ways I could avoid doing it in the future, yet I will be stupid and I know it. I will push when it is not needed, and I will convince myself the sky is falling.

      It is how I am wired, I guess.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

      Delete
  4. Oh Kathy, it was just an automatic reaction to your troubles. I am sure he will forgive you your anxiety. Hope the water gets sorted too
    love Jan,xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jan,

      Thank you for your kindness. He is very quick to forgive. And the water is fine.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

      Delete
  5. ((Hugs)) Kathy, I'm sorry you went through this and hope the water bill has now been sorted. My mouth gets the better of me too at times. Ttwd gives us better tools to deal with these issues and move forward. As Jan said, you were reacting out of worry.

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roz,

      Ttwd has made things easier to deal with. I don't carry the guilt for my behavior longer than needed. He gets a little relief seeing me submit when I am wrong and I get to learn to face my issues and try to resolve them, rather than bury them (which I am VERY good at).

      Hugs,
      Kathy

      Delete