Friday, May 8, 2015

Perfect Imperfection



Changes are part of life. Without them, life would be boring. I see so many in blog land and some online DD groups discuss the dry spells we all experience at some point. Some wives discuss how to help the situation, while others throw out the ‘maybe we will stop ttwd because hoh is not on the ball enough’. I am always perplexed why stopping it, is easier than sitting down and have a real talk with their hoh. Why is it easier to turn our backs on the one we promised to love in sickness and in health, when things in ttwd slump?

Other times I see DD wives that are envious of some other wives that have the perfect mix of independence and submission. Perhaps one wife has a hoh that is a perfect dom that never makes a mistake, is never annoying, and makes his wife drop to her knees in the most erotic orgasm she has ever had. (Stop laughing, we all read the blogs where everything is so PERFECT).

Yet, it is a false view. We do not think that at the time though. So we take that little picture drawn so lovingly online and compare our lives, husbands, and lifestyle to our own. Of course, ours is never going to look like that. Do you know why?

Because it is the edited, rewritten version of a life, you are allowed to see. It is without the flaws each one of us carries within our minds and souls. Therefore, we are drawn to that perfection. We crave it, and we crave the perfect hoh with perfect domination. Then we begin to think, (oh this can be dangerous). We begin to ask ourselves why our own hoh cannot be like so and so’s hoh. Our vision of the man we promised devotion to begins to look a little tarnished, perhaps his annoying habits were cute at first, or his sensitivity is a bit too much, or he is just not on the ball with ttwd.

Wait a minute, weren’t we happy with our hoh before we started comparing him to the edited version of events in another dd marriage? Did we not go to him and ask for this lifestyle? Did he not agree to adapt to our needs and try his best? Then why start comparing one hoh to another hoh based on the edited, adapted, retelling of events in another marriage?


Happiness starts at home. So remember you do more harm to your own marriage when you demand ttwd be perfect. Our own lives are full of stress, annoyances, and perfect imperfection. We all handle trying times differently. So when things aren't going as you would like, remember you chose him to walk in the journey with you, not someone else’s edited online version of a husband.




18 comments:

  1. K,
    I do not know how long you have been married, but I am sure it is long enough to know these men come with foibles which cause we wives to pull our hair out. In our case, I do not use my blog to point out the flaws. Instead, I point out the things that work well for the most part. You won't find me berating how things are not as they might be. I concentrate on the postivie and email friends behind the blog when things are askew. Your post is great food for thought.
    Meredith

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    1. Meredith,

      Oh yes, each of us go about our blogs differently. If we didn't it would be awfully boring. Jim and I have been married 15 years. Many times I have wanted to rip my hair out as well.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  2. Kathy,

    A good reminder not to compare ourselves with others. Each ttwd relationship is unique to each couple. They may look similar at times, but that doesn't make them any better or worse. Some only show the best side of themselves, like you so clearly pointed out. When I find I'm comparing too much, I take a break from the blogs to refocus on my relationship with Gabe.

    Megan

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    1. Megan,

      I do hope you are doing well. Being ourselves is the only way to find happiness, as you know. I just hope that my blog reaches someone needing to learn it is okay to be ourselves.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  3. I so agree Kathy. Lord knows I am not perfect and trying to be in a relationship with a 'Perfect Man' would be way to intimidating....would feel as if I could never live up to his perfection. ;) Thanks for sharing.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Cat,

      One can only expect perfection, when they themselves are perfect. So, I think we are all up crap creek without a paddle until we realize it.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  4. Such a great reminder, Kathy. It's so hard, especially at the beginning, to not compare yourself. But it's much more healthy to realize what works for you would not work for them, and vice versa. Thanks...I needed that!

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    1. Hi Maggie,

      When I think back at my lowest self-esteem I can honestly say I did more damage to myself each time I compared. I wish I could go back in time and tell that young woman I was, what I know now.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  5. Great post!!

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend:)

    hugs

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    1. Hi little girl,

      Thank you for stopping by.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  6. Great reminder Kathy not to try and compare our relationship with others. Each relationship is unique and we each make DD/ttwd our own. I think most of us fall into this trap from time to time, especially in the beginning.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz,

      Give me time. I will forget my own advice and you ladies will have to bring me back to reality.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  7. A very interesting and thought provoking post. Let's face it, we are none of us perfect. If we were, we wouldn't be here!

    It's all too easy to compare ourselves with others. I know I have done it and I would challenge anyone to say they haven't. But when it comes down to brass tacks, we know what we want and we know what we need to do to achieve our goals. The thing is that we all have different methods of getting that ball into the net over the other side of the pitch.

    I know that the girls I email with on a regular basis are all different from me in some way or another, but we all enjoy to tell each other our little escapades. It's not really 'trying to compare' as much as empathise with each other and delighting in our little foibles. Sometimes it's downright hilarious.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Hugs
    Ami

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    1. Ami,

      I email behind the blog a bit, it is just difficult as I am not willing to share photos of myself in connection with my blog, so it is a part I don't join in, very often. I do love the emails I do get though!

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  8. Hey Kathy,

    It is a good reminder that no one is perfect, when I read blogs I try to remember that I'm just getting a quick snap shot of one event, and from one persons POV. I know I'm not perfect and either is my husband, but we are happy. We have put in a lot of hard work in this dynamic, so I'm very content, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle at times or completely fall on my face..or that my husband responds perfectly all the time. I'm lucky that I have gotten to know some great dd couples online and in real life, they're are just all normal awesome couples who are trying the best they can, but are committed to this lifestyle. They keep me grounded, and each of us is different in the ways our dynamic might work, and that's okay. It's so hard not to compare, especially in the beginning. This post is a great reminder about that!

    Hugs

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    1. Jennelle,

      I am glad you liked my post. I do hope it helped someone come back to reality and stop putting the pressure on themselves when things just don't go as we want them to.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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  9. Hope all is well with you?

    x

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    1. Tori,

      All has been good. Just took a small unexpected break.

      Hugs,
      Kathy

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